epiphany!

I totally just had an epiphany, while procrastinating from writing this Russian Lit final paper.

It started out with me mulling over the fact that I'm only attracted to gay men.
Then, I remembered seeing Tucker Carlson on The Situation the other day with his bowtie undone and how I thought it was hilarious that Julia and I were in love with him back in high school.
Tucker Carlson is probably the closest thing to a genuine douchebag.
And yet, I'm attracted to Tucker in all of his asshole-Republican-bowtie-wearing glory.
Tucker is straight.
Ergo, if I am ever attracted to a straight man, he is most likely a douchebag. Maybe sans the Republican-bowtie-wearing-ness, but still a douchebag.
So basically, I hate douchebags but am attracted to them.

That probably didn't make sense to any of you, and I realize how ad-hoc the whole thing is, but just let me cling to my feeble "why deb is still single" theories, okay? Okay.