war and (some) peace
my eyes were really puffy this morning. obvious reasons. okay maybe not so obvious; last night
i had one of those meaningful talk/fight/cries with my parents. you know, the ones that make you realize how selfish and ungrateful you are, etc. right. what i mean to say is, i'd like to be a better person. you know - to my parents, to people in general. mmkay that didn't sound cheesy or anything. pfft. sigh.
anyway. that was that. i'm turning nineteen in a few days. debating whether i want to go have a picnic on a glacier, or go to the mountains and hike around and then go to the little restaurant and have fondue or something. i don't know. i dont' really care. nineteen, shm
ineteen. but my dad's friend bought me a pretty sea-foam glass necklace today at an open market. huzzah.
also, alaska thrift stores are frightening. but supremely interesting all at once.
rented casablanca and war and peace and watched them both yesterday. humphrey bogart and mel ferrer; two men who don't seem to have any sex appeal in stills, but on the screen it's something different. i can kindofsortof begin to see what audrey hepburn saw in mel (he was her first husband) although he turned out to b
e an ass. audrey is adorable in war and peace. scarily skinny, as per usual, but oh well.
yeah umm...so. yeah.
not to be melodramatic, but my life is kind of on the verge of unraveling completely and that kind of freaks me out. no one reading this has any idea of what's really going on and i don't really plan on telling, but it feels like everything is hanging on a thread. and...argh. never mind. i'm really frustrated about this lack of control over my future, that's all.
last night (when it was still light out), i took my brother's bike and raced around - it felt absolutely glorious. there were no cars on the road (obviously) and i let my hair down and the wind was delicious as i weaved the bike around. and when i was going downhill i let go of the handlebars and felt like a little girl and wanted to yell "look mom, no hands!"
i didn't feel stale, and that felt good.
i can't believe i haven't taken the time to sit outside at night and look at the stars yet. that's the plan for tonight. that, and the wine thats been sitting there for a few days. i mean, someone has to finish it.
p.s, the pictures are from over the past few days/past week. captions: Long Lake, AK...tiny organic vegetable stand...harbor in Seward, AK...tiny pool of glacier water.
i had one of those meaningful talk/fight/cries with my parents. you know, the ones that make you realize how selfish and ungrateful you are, etc. right. what i mean to say is, i'd like to be a better person. you know - to my parents, to people in general. mmkay that didn't sound cheesy or anything. pfft. sigh.anyway. that was that. i'm turning nineteen in a few days. debating whether i want to go have a picnic on a glacier, or go to the mountains and hike around and then go to the little restaurant and have fondue or something. i don't know. i dont' really care. nineteen, shm
ineteen. but my dad's friend bought me a pretty sea-foam glass necklace today at an open market. huzzah.also, alaska thrift stores are frightening. but supremely interesting all at once.
rented casablanca and war and peace and watched them both yesterday. humphrey bogart and mel ferrer; two men who don't seem to have any sex appeal in stills, but on the screen it's something different. i can kindofsortof begin to see what audrey hepburn saw in mel (he was her first husband) although he turned out to b
e an ass. audrey is adorable in war and peace. scarily skinny, as per usual, but oh well.yeah umm...so. yeah.
not to be melodramatic, but my life is kind of on the verge of unraveling completely and that kind of freaks me out. no one reading this has any idea of what's really going on and i don't really plan on telling, but it feels like everything is hanging on a thread. and...argh. never mind. i'm really frustrated about this lack of control over my future, that's all.
last night (when it was still light out), i took my brother's bike and raced around - it felt absolutely glorious. there were no cars on the road (obviously) and i let my hair down and the wind was delicious as i weaved the bike around. and when i was going downhill i let go of the handlebars and felt like a little girl and wanted to yell "look mom, no hands!"
i didn't feel stale, and that felt good.
i can't believe i haven't taken the time to sit outside at night and look at the stars yet. that's the plan for tonight. that, and the wine thats been sitting there for a few days. i mean, someone has to finish it.
p.s, the pictures are from over the past few days/past week. captions: Long Lake, AK...tiny organic vegetable stand...harbor in Seward, AK...tiny pool of glacier water.
posted by Deb Oh at 12:40 AM
1 Comments:
alaska sounds marvelous dahling. it's been a few days since we chit chatted. i am sorry to hear about your life's 'unraveling.' if you need to talk, please do call me. nothing is too cheesy or mopey for naima c., queen de los pity parties. your riding down the hill on the bike sounds like the stuff of novels. you're so poetic deb. "look mom, no hands!" is almost a deb lyric. i understand the urge to want to be a better person. if it counts for absolutely anything, you're already marvelous in my sight. love, tu manajer
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